I broke my theme of using self-portraits to describe my artistic and educational journey because I feel like instruction in both this class and practicum class this week was focused more on external factors like standards and behavior management rather than internal factors like teaching philosophy and wants for the classroom. The work we have been doing with the big ideas, essential questions, and overall themes has made me think about the application in the classroom for making a curriculum and stringing a concept through multiple projects, maybe a whole semester. I feel more secure in creating a curriculum around standards and with integrations from other subjects. I am secure in making one-off projects and activities as well. What I’m missing is the middle part. How to take the big ideas and break them all the way down to singular activities, into the learning targets and objectives for every day.

It’s a checkerboard pattern with pieces missing. Representational of how I feel moving forward, taking more charge of the classrooms I’m in, leading tours for Brainy, creating an activity for Polaris artists, self-teaching and creating lessons with new technology for Wellington, its all very exciting but very overwhelming, it makes me feel a bit dizzy just thinking about it. I fear that my knowledge and expertise don’t line up with the tasks I’ve been put up to. But it's good for me, I seem to do better when I’m “thrown in the deep end” so to say. If I waited to do everything until I was fully ready, I would never do anything. But even knowing that, and knowing that this will make me a better teacher and less anxious in my classroom in the future, I’m still nervous and afraid I will screw everything up the piece expressed that as accurately as I could.